Feedback:
I have one of two options when it comes to my script, either create an interesting narrative and tell a story with a part A, B and C or really go for the world building aspect that I've gone for. I should also try to make it more clear who the script's main character is and what the conflict in the story is.
How I felt doing the pitch:
I was quite nervous before doing the pitch and made sure I was the last one to go because I needed a bit of time to compose myself however I managed to get my thoughts straight and had a well organised pitch.
Feedback on the pitch and how I could improve:
I didn't get told any ways of improving my pitch because my group felt I did really well and decided that my pitch was convincing.
Unit 19 Ideas Sheet (click)
My idea script: Humanity Not Found
Group draft idea: The Broken Artificial Intelligence
P3
Treatment 1: Humanity Not Found
(Name was different at the start of production)
Treatment 2: The Broken Artificial Intelligence
Potential music: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=20aAZJY3ZfY
P4Pitch video: The Broken Artificial Intelligence
Treatment for: The Secret
From feedback for our pitch, the general consensus was that there needed to be more character description, more expansion on the character's world (e.g. how technology has advanced and what else has changed) and more elaboration on the story and who the WWN are. I agree with all the feedback given. Most ratings from peers tended to be 7/10 or above
https://www.dropbox.com/sh/xvwit76h2n8pwk0/AAAHCy8uQp_Fe-nVk7dO1n-ma?dl=1 (Feedback files)
Final Script Idea Chosen:
We decided to go with "The Secret", the script pitched by the other half of our group because it seemed very interesting and they pitched it really well. From a vote in our group, they got the majority so we went with that. As well as this, the storyline seems to be great and it received very positive feedback from almost everyone in the class.
P5
The Secret is the final idea we went with as a group and the reformatted radio script contains changes we made to the script after run throughs and after rereading it.
Improved treatment: The Secret (Draft 2)
Correctly formatted script: The Secret (Draft 2)
Production plan
- Lexie's line in last scene changed from "Don't play with your food boys." to "Hurry up and get the information out of him."
- Armed man 1's last line changed from "Im gonna enjoy this." to "You're gonna have to talk eventually, its only a matter of time."
- Added the characters voice descriptions on the script.
- Described the characters more on the script.
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